Why Your Husband Doesn’t Want Pregnancy Sex
- Monday, June 15, 2009, 15:54
- Sex
- 28 comments
There are many men who experience problems when engaging in pregnancy sex. It’s hardly ever determined by the man’s race, religion or any other statistics. It’s simply a matter of whether he can do it or not. Many pregnant women complain that their partners are either not interested to have pregnancy sex, or can’t do it. These women reason that they are not attractive enough to arouse their man, especially in the later stages. However, there are lots of men who would claim that their pregnant partner is in fact a heavenly beauty. So what is the deal? What are actual problems that some men face with pregnancy sex, specifically late stage pregnancy?
Someone Else’s Presence
Some men feel uncomfortable knowing that his child is in the room, which is understandable.
The Baby Might Get Hurt
A surprisingly huge number of men believe that they might be knocking the baby on the head. It’s impossible. Explain it to him.
Girl Problem
Many men who know that their pregnant wife is carrying a girl feel very uneasy being intimate with their daughter so near.
Afraid of Hurting You
Communication is of the utmost importance at this stage. You should clarify what is acceptable and what’s not. For example, tell him not to apply pressure on your stomach or that a cushion should be around just in case. It’s your job to convince him that you won’t get hurt if he uses the right position and the right amount of pressure.
Positioning
You have to accept it; it’s very difficult to find the right position and angle while having sex with a pregnant wife, but you can try to work out something.
Scared that His Semen Might Bring on Premature Birth
This is true to some extent. Semen does contain something called prostaglandins which trigger the coming of the baby. But this works only near the due date, so you should comfort him that pregnancy sex won’t be a trouble maker.
He’s Overlooking the Fact that Intimacy Is not All about Sex
There are many, many ways to have fun without engaging in intercourse. Maybe you should remind him passionately.
He Isn’t Aware that Pregnant Women Experience the Most Intense Orgasms
With some tender persuasion that females experience earth shattering orgasms in late stage pregnancy due to the increased blood flow to the related regions, he might become very interested in finding it out.
Half of all men actually have problems engaging in sex with a pregnant woman, especially women in the late stages of pregnancy. So if you find that your man is not able to perform, blame one of the above reasons and don’t worry about the fact that your man doesn’t find you beautiful.
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My hubby usually had just a very strong libido… until I got pregnant and my belly started to grow (29th week now). I really believed he stopped wanting me because of my huge (for me) belly and weight gain, we had a scandal, I didn’t talk to him for almost a week. But then we spoke about the situation seriously and I understood it wasn’t because of my appearance. He still finds my body sexy and I know that I turn him on, he was simply VERY afraid of hurting our baby. I gave him some literature about sex during pregnancy (thanks a lot for your article of the same name, btw!) and after he read we had a perfect, long awaited, hot sex!
Men should catch the moment when their wife is pregnant.
I mean, that’s the time when you don’t need to think about condoms and all the stuff.
Forgot all the complexes, don’t be afraid, just have sex.
I wish I could be more forgiving but I’m not. I’m in my 28th week and at at time when I could be enjoying sex even more because of increased sensitivity, he takes that away from me. It would never do if the situation were reversed, I promise you. In fact, I’ve been coerced into sex with him many times when I wasn’t feeling up to it. I just did it anyways. And how about all those half hour bjs? I honestly don’t know if we can recover, if I can just forget how this makes me feel. And now he’s already hinting that if he watches the baby being born he’ll have hang-ups there as well. Awesome!
i am pregnant and is very frustrated because he wanted us to have a baby but now that i am pregnant he acts as though my personal urges and satisfaction dont matter. we have not had sex since becoming pregnant 02/13/09 he dont like for me to touch his genital area. its funny bcuz b4 becoming pregnant i use to have to beat him off of me. now@ 1st i didnt think he was cheating but now when i touch him he dont get the slightest bit aroused. when i ask whats the problem he has no explaination. ive had sex w. him on PLENTY occassions just because he wanted it. i dont want to become a cheater especially while im pregnant.
Quety, does your husband know that you can have sex till your 8th month without hurting the baby? Do you think he doesn’t want sex because you gained (maybe too much) weight and have a large belly now? May he probably have some problems in the area, like prostatitis or something? Try to talk to him and find out what’s wrong. You’re not strangers, you live together, he just has to explain it to you and share his problems, if he has some.
Im so glad I read these comments by other abondoned women. I have been totally rejected by my ‘man’ since falling pregnant & have no intention of staying with him after the birth now.
There is no way I am ever going to feel happy with him again since he has rejected me physically & emotionally at a time when I needed him.
I feel so sorry for our unborn daughter; by the time she is born in 3 weeks she will not have two loving parents…just a mum who is totally heartbroken.
This is so terrible! Dut did you plan the baby?
I feel the same way as smog. I also feel completely rejected and unwanted. I’ve tried sooo many times to tell him that it will not harm the baby, she won’t grow up with any complexes etc. and now I’m convinced he just doesn’t find me attractive anymore…which really sucks. I gave up my gorgeous slender body for oversized boobs and abdomen so that WE could have a child and first chance he gets he rejects me…at a time when I am so vulnerable. I am emotionally empty… he doesn’t even want to touch me anymore – forget intercourse. I can’t forgive him.
I know the feeling very well. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and I am a little over three months pregnant. It wasn’t planned…so maybe there is where the problem lies, however, he had no problem taking the chance of doing the deed inside of me with no protection (can’t put blame on him, it took two to tango) BUT now it seems I am the one doing all of the initiating, and to be quite honest its getting old real quick. I have a very strong, high sex drive at this point, even moreso than before, so it hurts badly. I feel unattractive as my body keeps going through changes and his lack of interest in me is sucking! He has always been one to frequently pleasure himself, if I am not around, ad we used to have sex so very often, at least 4-5 times a week. He even used to tell me how he hopes the sex always stays that way. I know its a stressful time for him, as he has been laid off, and he is nervous about saving for this child etc.. but it makes me feel horrible, like an ugly duckling really. It sucks, but I guess if anything I am glad I am not the only one, who knows if will make it and that saddens me even more that I spent my whole life trying not to get pregnant for fear of my baby growing up without a dad like me, and now it seems life has come full circle. I know sex isnt the only important part of a relationship…but it still something I want to enjoy with him.
I am 30 years old and I am 28 weeks pregnant. My partner and I planned this baby. I noticed that my partner does not want to have sex with me anymore. What it hurts/bothers me is that he will go to the bathroom to masturbate instead of doing it with me. I am eating healthy and doing exercise, but I can’t help it my body is changing.
I just do not understand why he is doing that, and that really hurts me. He uses the excuse that he is afraid to hurt the baby, and I told him that wont happen.
I know that he stills wants sex, but I guess not with a pregnant women (me).
I do not know what to do. Now I do not feel comfortable getting dress around him or if I am going to take a shower I just lock the door so he does not see me naked.
I thought sex was going to be more fun now that I am already pregnant, but that is NOT the case.
I am 32 weeks my boyfriend and i planned this in the begining of my pregnancy we were still having sex, but when i turn 5 months and started to get a belly he would always put me down, like he doesnt get it that i need it and that no one else would touch a pregnant women. Some times i feel like he doesn’t want to touch me because he thinks am ugly, but then when i ask him he says that its not that, that his scared to hurt the babie and when i explain to him that their is no way he can hurt him he still doesn’t want to touch me. I dont know what to do anymore i am tired of trowing my self at him and been put down, sometimes i feel like cheating and really unhappy, but i mean some people say sex cant be everything in a relationship, but i think its a big part of it
I can SO relate. And what stings the most is that all the pregnancy books I have are loaded with chapters about how to deal with your dwindling sex drive, and how to keep your poor, horndog, sex-starved man at bay while you aren’t interested in sex. – Huh?? More like the other way around!!! Thanks a lot, books. Way to make me feel even worse!
It’s so upsetting! I’m supposed to be the one who isn’t interested! I’m supposed to be the one beating him back with a stick! I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried talking about it, NOT talking about it, throwing myself at him, playing hard to get & waiting for him to make the first move, I spent a fortune on cute underwear, I explained it cannot hurt the baby. I ambushed him in the shower and started to give him a BJ – he went limp.
I just DO NOT GET IT, because there is no way I would do this to him, if the situation was somehow reversed. He knows how this is making me feel (I’ve told him – I feel ugly ugly ugly, rejected, and supremely dissed at a time when I am the most vulnerable and insecure about my looks! Holy salt in the wounds, batman!) yet he cannot even muster up something for me. There is no way I would to something like this to him.
My biggest fear is that it’s going to stay this way permanently. I can deal with it if it’s just for now, but…
I seriously pity the guys married/involved with these women. The way you all tell it, you are basically resorting to cheating and divorce because of a 6 month dry spell. If guys dumped their wives for every time there was an extended period of not having sex, the whole bloody planet would be divorced.
I’m 19wks pregnant & with my 2nd pregnancy. My boyfriend of 7yrs did this to me with our first child, and now with our second. I find that as soon as I start to show, he will not have sex with me. I’ve showed him every article on sex during pregnancy & he still won’t budge. I’ve came to terms with it now… & I realize that its not me its him. As long as he is still assuring me on our love & showing me that he still loves me for everything- I’m strong enough to deal with it. We have built a life together… and unfortunatly, this is just one hurdle we must go through as women! Hope this helps. Stay strong ladies! And keep positive energy around you. Your feelings effect your growing babies! God bless <3 much love from Massachusetts!
Geez, OK, we guys have something trigger in us about a woman showing. It’s like the vagina isn’t sexual, To be honest my sex drive has been cut way back. The comment about other forms of play are valid. But, the positions that used to turn me on aren’t safe so oral is a mainstay. (Cover you ears) anal still works well in some positions but trying the first time when your preggy may not be a good thing. I find porn helps a lot and my preggy woman thinks I’m more interested in other women but I told her it helps me get aroused so stop complaining. I think that pisses her off even more. If he watches the birth that will have an effect as well so heads up. My second so I’m not to overly concerned about it as I know it will pass. Be the woman he loves and not a bitch on a broomstick. Some guys may go off, find a woman and have sex with her. So, keep him on a short leash and keep him happy with BJs even if you have to work it for a long time to get him off. He will get used to preggy sex and please you.
On a side note. This obsession you are having about sex and not being good enough is what us guys deal with our whole adult lives. For us girlfriends trading up and dumping us for a doctor or lawyer, the dear john letters while we are away, and all the other break ups because we don’t meet expectations plus a high sex drive is our normal way of life. Honestly, if sex were left up to women, we would be extinct as a species. It’s a little bit off topic but this experience can give you an insight of how your man feels. Yeah, preggy sex is different. Think of your thoughts and apprehensions before your first BJ. How you had to be coerced and cajoled into it. Now he’s the virgin in the situation and your the one needing your urges satisfied. It’s all perspective.
No offense but thinking that you’re unattractive to your partner because you’re pregnant is ridiculous. I think this article brings some good points, most men just don’t want to hurt the baby, plus the thought of having sex when there’s a baby present is “weird”.
wothable message,give option to ask the douth about the other topic
I am glad these messages were here for me to read. Although more responses from men would be nice. I am 28 weeks pg. My boyfriend stopped having sex with me at 3 months. And bjs ended at about 5. I feel like a sex crazed maniac. And have thought of cheating just to have my needs met. I dont think it has anything to do with my body. But just that theres a baby there. This is our second child and I was deprived the first time as well, but chalked that up to other issues and situations going on. I guess you could say I immediately turned into a bitch on a broomstick. But this time too? I made sure to keep my emotions at bay. But now Im ready to explode. I try to create all sorts of possibilities to have sex or a bj. And he will just fall asleep or somehow it becomes inconvenient. Either way if he wanted it he would of gotten it by now. So I am bitter and angry often. The only thing I can think to do is understand (even tho he wont talk to me about it) and have our baby and focus on our children and hope that attraction is rekindled. ANd FYI it took him til about 6 months postpartum til we had sex again. NICE HUH! He saw her born as well. I guess its a mental issue. But it truly sucks. I think most men will recover from this after the baby is born, just to give all of the women some hope. Its just a matter of time. Try not to be so bitter that you are ready to leave him as soon as the baby comes. Sex is important, but not as important as a child having both parents in their life (if possible), And dont worry ladies, we know how to pay em back one way or another…. n Im not talking about sex deprivation. We all have our ways.
I think it’s the madonna/whore complex in the men who have trouble having sex during pregnancy. Saying they are afraid to hurt the baby, etc…. are excuses to avoid the actual truth. Men are small minded when it comes to sex, love, etc…
I am in the same boat: sex crazed and understimulated. And I learned to put my insecurities at bay because I can understand how weird it is to have sex with a baby in the middle. I think as long as there is still intimacy.. Does he still hold your hand, rub the belly, try to help more around the house…? There’s little changes that make a big difference. And maybe it’s a good time to rediscover that intimacy because a relationship is not all about sex. I understand the previous posts of girls who had sex only bc he wanted to. I’ve been there before. But maybe, just maybe, this has nothing tondo with you or him, and all to do with the baby. I’m starting to get freaked out myself. How do you get turned on when you can feel ur baby moving inside.. That kills the mood, personally. Physically I am ready to go. Mentally, I’d rather not.
i might sound insensitive but my reason why i dont engage my significant other is that her contsant mood swings turn me completely off… i think she looks beautiful holding my child but i just can’t get past the whining and complaining and everything being my fault. she has her moments where she is back to her old self and i can’t take my hands off her… i know she needs it and i do too… but i just can’t aroused when shes acting like that…
all you men that post up on here that the male will just go find it else where need to pull your heads in i now have my partner in tears thanks alot you mindeless fools not all men are the same not all of us have no morals if you are one of these men that put stupid coments up on this site just stop and think for a minute about the damage you could do i thank you all for being so stupid and making me relise how nice a person i am
With my first child I experienced this with my partner and I was truely depressed, we never really spoke about it properly I would just cry most nights feeling extremely unattractive and lonely, also that paranoid feeling and thought of him being attracted to other women or sometimes thinking he might be cheating! I knew deep down that wasn’t the case. But still this very quickly made big problems in our relationship, by the time our daughter was born we had falln out of love and it wasn’t about the sex anymore, sometimes it’s nice to be understood. Now I have a new partner and I’m 6 months pregnant and he is off sex, we have spoke about it but that hasn’t changed his sex drive, I haven’t told him how I felt with my daughters father as I feel this would be a sore subject, I know he loves and would never cheat on me and I never get those thoughts with him, I do get annoyed when he glances at other women though, and maybe sometimes over react, I know for sure I’m not the only one who does this haha! If only there were a magic pill to make all these men find us truely irresistable. Untill then invest in a good sex toy. Don’t let it ruin your relationship because it’s only a short period of your life, and to let it be the cause of the end of what should be a great part of your lives is mad. I regret it! But then again I am here now with a man I love carrying my second child. I would only be happier if I were getting more sex! JUST OVERCOME YOUR FRUSTRATIONS! Take care ladies.
I’m an 18 yr old guy and have never had a girlfriend or anything so I probrably have no place talking here. But the way I see it us guys should be going out of our way to make our girls happy, we have it pretty easy as far as I can see, mind you both male and females have things they have to deal with, guys have a lot less. And I’m sorry but I just cannot see how a guy could leave or neglect his partner like has been said, this honestly just makes me ashamed to a male and I truely feel sorry for you women.
I am so attracted to my wife who is 23 weeks along. She is the one who doesnt want sex. I am starting to feel unappreciated. I have picked up on all the house work and not slacked any hours at work. I put stretchmark stuff on her belly everynight and give her a massage. yet still i am made to feel bad about wanting intamacy with her
Reading your comments has made me realise that I am not the only pregnant woman suffering from a partner who doesnt want sex in turn making you feel ugly, unwanted and completely convinced that he is gonna cheat on you with the first non-pregnant woman that opens her legs. Me and my partner have known each other for a number of years but only started being sexually involved at the start of the year, Within 4 months I was pregnant and this was not planned. My sex drive was high before I got pregnant but now I find that I want it all of the time. I feel like a sex crazed maniac! The hard part is not actually getting the sex. I had an arguement with him about it last night as I just thought that he is a selfish pig but read all of the comments I realise that this is a common problem and instead of pushing him away I should try and be supportive and try and find other ways to be intimate. He has already advised me that he would not feel comfortable watching the birth and I can live with that but I really need to try and sort out our problems now before we end up breaking up. Thank you for all of your comments regarding this, you have really helped. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking that he thought that I was ugly, fat and disgusting but now I can smile to myself knowing that it isnt me and that it is him. Thanks guys
i would like to start off by saying i am a nice guy and find my wife extremely attractive. She is almost 30 weeks now and i am having erection issues i dont know why this is happening but it is. So all i can do is try to be intimate in other ways. i think it is all in the sub consious part of the mind. I will continue to try but i cant make it hard but i am greatful that my wife understands and we talk through this together which is what i think is the problem for most of these relationships we have our whole life to have sex so we can please eachother in other ways for now. Hope this helps i am sure if all these guys could they would but they cant which is not that un common from what i have read