How to Explain to Your Kid Why You Can’t Afford to Buy Something?
Today, this situation sounds more familiar than ever to the largest number of parents. Many were fired, someone has reduced working hours and, as a result, reduced wages. The child asks you to buy something, but parents cannot afford it. “Mom, but I am asking you! Please!”, the child insists. How to speak with the kid about the crisis?
Do not scare yourself or the children
Before discussing something with the child, we must determine for ourselves what is happening now and how we feel about it. This is the complexity of the current situation: it is poorly predicted and rapidly changing. First, you need to acknowledge this reality and act by choosing clearly defined goals. This will reduce stress.
At all times, children need support, they need an adult parental figure nearby. For children to rely on us psychologically, it is important for us to be sustainable and inclusive.
Even if we are worried, it is worth doing everything possible not to sow the seeds of our anxiety in children. Do not burden them with complaints of life. Do not seek solace from them: adults support adults and do not expect support from children. It is the parents who sympathize with and comfort the children rather than vice versa. A parent is an emotional container for the child. Rather than vice versa.
The child must understand that the crisis is not forever
Talking with children about what is happening is definitely a must. Any serious event in the world affects the internal life of the family. Many people will have to cut their budget, and this will affect children’s goods one way or another. When discussing this topic, you should not escalate the situation.
You can say that this is a difficult moment for the whole world and for the country as well, therefore, you will have to stick to other rules for some time.
We are unlikely to be able to spend a lot of money on toys or entertainment, but this situation will not last forever. Sooner or later, the economy will grow, the pandemic will be over – and we will be more free in our desires and expenses. In order to survive difficult times, we must respond flexibly and appropriately.
The main thing is to make your child understand that this crisis is not forever. We lived through many crises, we can handle this one too. As soon as the economy comes to life, we can gradually return to our usual level of consumption. But until the situation stabilizes, we will lead a more ascetic lifestyle. If a child sees that you are more or less calm, it will not be a disaster for him.
By the way, now is the right time to introduce the child to the principles of minimalism, which is a popular trend now. Who knows, maybe your child will like it.
We don’t say we’ve got no money
The phrases “We cannot afford this” or “We have no money” are not the most successful ones. Saying this, adults usually want to “bring the children back to earth”, show them the reality and expect that the children will react wisely and with understanding. Yes, when it comes to money the situation can sometimes be tricky, but such phrases sound hopeless. It is more useful for children to grow up with the feeling that there is some money, even if it’s not enough, and we try to distribute the funds correctly.
Everything can be said differently. For example, like this: “This is not included in our financial plans yet (we have not planned to buy it now). It is important for us to redirect our cash so that it is enough for everything (we divided the money so that it is enough for everything that’s most needed and tasty). This will not always be the case, at some point the situation will improve (and we can return to what you want).”
We must be able to withstand the child’s emotions
Not all children will be able to immediately accept this information – they still want new gadgets, toys and clothes. They often think that all these blessings come from heaven. We should calmly make it clear that there are difficult times in life, and we must be able to adapt flexibly to them.
We can say the following: “Now the whole city is in quarantine, this is making a difference in our lives – we do not use the subway, we do not go to shopping centers and cafes, we are looking for new entertainment opportunities without spending money. Yes, these are significant limitations. But the ability to withstand constraints is an important part of growing up.”
Of course, it’s more difficult to explain all of this to children. When they try to get another toy car from us, we can just try to inform them that we exchange our money for products and other important things. Alas, a new car is not on the list.
We are sorry, but this is the answer. And the child gets the experience that we do not always buy what he/she asks for. At the same time, we do not shout at him, we do not condemn him, we simply do not buy and kindly explain why.
Of course, this is no longer about money, but about managing to withstand the protest and dissatisfaction of the child. We do not need to be disgraced in front of others when witnessing the children’s hysteria in the store.
No matter how disturbed we are, humor can save us. A funny joke said at the right moment is a resource that helps to relieve the situation and overcome difficulties. This is what strengthens us. Children look at us and see an example of how to cope with difficulties, think about the future and believe in themselves.
