How to Love a Child Unconditionally?
Parents can love and care for their children all the time in spite of their blundering, poor school grades or other failings. This is what is meant by unconditional love. Children are accepted for the kind of people they are and not for what they do or how they behave.
On the other hand, when parents’ love is conditional, children are given to understand that they need to do things to earn love and protection. They have to first meet their parents’ wishes and expectations if they want to be praised and approved. When these children grow, they are still in doubt if they really deserve any love and respect from others.
Why is unconditional love so important?
As emerges from a study, children whose mothers display a lot of affection have a larger hippocampus compared to kids who have been feeling underfed emotionally. The hippocampus, by the way, is an important part of the brain responsible for memory, learning, and stress resistance.
It means it is scientifically proven that children are much better off loved and nurtured amply. These factors go to ensure the child’s proper and timely development.
How to learn to love a child unconditionally?
Acknowledge the child’s weak points
We all have our small – and not very small – weaknesses. When coming across them, remind yourself that these less-than-pleasant traits serve to balance out our better parts.
Take obstinacy, for one. In arguments with parents in a child this is definitely a grueling quality, allowing the child to wear the parents out. That is difficult to withstand, and yet this particular trait can be regarded as contributive to persistence. When he or she grows old, this kind of staying power can be of great assistance to them in many vocations, allowing them to pursue the set goals to the successful accomplishment.
When the child has grown old enough, you can explain to them that holding their ground is really a helpful thing, but now and then it can be irritating so other people may feel bad about it. Such traits want to control so that they won’t cause unnecessary troubles in her life.
Actually, leading children to understand themselves, their capabilities and the best ways to employ them to their benefit is one of the most fruitful parental duties there can be.
Look through the eyes of your kid
All we do from the position of the one who is right, meaning the kid is in the wrong! That’s what can make them angry and obstinate, but there is also another side to it: any tantrum could be a signal that things are going wrong! Tantrums often have reasons behind them, like frayed feelings or troubling needs. If you look behind the misbehavior you may see what needs to be remedied and take steps to put things right.
If they were nasty to other little fellows that might have been because they hadn’t received as much attention as they had wanted, and feel neglected.
If they keep yelling out loud, it could be they need to express their feelings or you should hear all about what has made them discontent or upset.
When children – especially younger ones – are excited or enraged, they act up because it is their only way of trying to enlist our help. As soon as we step into their shoes, the misbehavior that seemed illogical looks comprehensible and pardonable. When we understand their reasons and acknowledge them, we feel unconditional love.
Disappointments
Families may want a girl and give birth to a boy, or the other way round. Or they thought they were going to have a docile, quiet child, but they ended up with a lively recalcitrant one. Or the child has got some qualities that make him or her very trying.
Should the child fail in any respect to fit your expectations, they are bound to realize it sooner or later. You will also on certain occasions be unable to hide that they are not perfect enough, and they will feel it in their bones. You ought to settle this issue inside yourself deliberately.
It may cause a good deal of disappointment, but actually, you have a child whose nature needs understanding and not comparing it to a kid who exists only in your dreams. Don’t clothe them in clothes that will never fit.
Mind and interact with the real child
The child you gave birth to won’t always be just like the one you have been dreaming of. The differences will slip through the cracks, and the real child will know that he or she isn’t satisfactory.
But children need to be understood, appreciated and supported a lot. Your attitude to them can be an essential aspect of their development.
Your feelings are quite natural, but they are your own only and can interfere with your everyday feelings to the child who lives with you.
Besides, consider the phenomenon of growing. If you want your flowers to grow and open, you don’t order them to. Instead, you feed them better fertilizers, arrange for more sunshine, give them better care. This also applies to children. In order to teach them to feel positive about themselves, treat them positively.
You’ve got to believe that unconditional love can make your child change
There’s always a fear that the kid might go too far. Curb it, stop thinking over the worst scenarios. What’s more, never give up on the child. Let your kid(s) know that you embrace them whatever happens. There must always be a connection, a bond that nurtures their feeling of inner goodness and your trust in them as well.
When there is unconditional love at work, children will never stray very far away from its constant glow.
Hold your anger in check
In situations when emotions break out and sparks fly, love seems to have given way and disappeared. As a matter of fact, it hasn’t happened, and we keep loving them. It’s just that at that moment they don’t feel our love; they believe they are estranged.
Anger is a bad teacher, it only gives vent to feelings and leaves us empty. The best reaction to the children’s acting up is to stay calm, set a limit, understand the child’s dissatisfaction and hurts and remain loving throughout. If we allow ourselves to let off anger, we show the child that such behavior can be acceptable. Also, they grow in their belief that they are bad for you and not loved.
While all this can sound like engaging yourself in grueling work, well, you may be right. But just like any hard work, it brings in its dividends. An unceasing flow of unconditional love is what makes us feel close to one another; it also ensures your child’s improvement with the passing of time and instills in them the confidence that they are loved and they are good – actually, the best.
