How to Trick Your Kids into Doing What You Want
It is bad to manipulate your kids, but there are some situations in which you need to get the child do what you want him/her to do.
In an ideal world, parents are always patient caregivers, and children are obedient and always make the right choice. But we live in an imperfect world, so parents need a range of strategies to keep our sanity when patience is not enough.
Here are some strategies that will help you achieve your goals:
1. Offer a bad choice
You can offer two equivalent choices to the child. For example: “We need to clean up before the party. What do you want to do: wash the dishes or clean the room?” Both of these strategies allow the child to feel that he/she makes a choice, though the options are not quite what the child wanted.
2. Try to disguise what you need for what the child loves
Parents of the children who are not very active eaters sometimes oppose adding healthy and beneficial ingredients in candies and everything that children are fond of. Your child refuses to eat spinach? Cook it in the form of a cake (Jessica Seinfeld has a book of “deceptively delicious” recipes). You can also try to let the children add secret ingredients themselves to make meals more diverse.
In any case, sometimes it happens that you do not tell the children what is good for them. I wonder how resourceful parents sometimes are when trying to transform daily chores into a play: for example, you can add an element of fun to boring daily chores or shopping (such as the scavenger hunt game, when it is necessary to find the maximum number of objects over a period of time). Add some fun, and your kids will help you.
3. Let them be captivated by technologies
Do you want the Wi-Fi password? Make your bed or clean the first floor with a vacuum cleaner.
It does not matter how much time your children spend watching TV or sitting at the computer, you can always use it to your advantage. First, let the kids do what they have to, and then they will get Wi-Fi.
4. Praise them and let them win
At first glance, praise does not seem to be effective in controlling the child’s behavior, however, if you constantly hold some family competitions (where the child wins while doing what you need), you can inspire the child to do a lot of things. For example, think of the tradition, according to which the first one to get dressed in the morning will be able to choose what everyone will have for breakfast; it is a kind of manipulation, but at the same time it is funny (for everyone, but the mom and dad who will have to eat cakes and sweets every time the child wins).
Just as all other people, children like when they get everything they want and can use it for their own purposes. Just remind them how well they have behaved recently, and perhaps they will like your praise and will want to win it back.
5. Control their weak points and fears
Manipulating means to know where it tickles and use it for your own purpose. Being a parent is the same, though you have to use it for your own and the child’s benefit. For example, if you know what TV shows your child likes, you can tell him/her that he/she will be able to watch them only after getting up early.
For advanced manipulations, you can use the techniques that work for adults. For example, make a person feel guilty or scare him/her to death. But do not use such methods extensively; these are children after all (and in many respects they can even outshine their parents); the easiest way is to just relax and watch your children grow.
