How to Make Moving Less Traumatic to Kids

Moving to another place is something that can suddenly become a necessity. This event in the life of a family affects adults and children very differently. While parents are able to take it as a matter of fact, they may expect it and even find it desirable, with children, who don’t see the reasons for such drastic changes in their lifestyles, it can be disruptive and traumatic.

Therefore, children require time to adapt themselves to the idea and special treatment that will help them go along with the family plans without feeling hurt.

As you are making a decision

Children feel secure living a prearranged and familiar life. When you are beginning to consider moving off, bear in mind that you will be pulling the kid(s) out of their school and social milieu, thus depriving them of a sense of comfort.

If the decision to move was the result of a life-changing event like a death or divorce, and you don’t have to rush away, give your children time for the event and the prospect of moving to sink in properly.

On the other hand, the move can be an enforced decision, caused by financial considerations or a job transfer. Whether you are pleased or displeased with the perspective, display a positive approach to it. Your child will be greatly dependent on your attitude, and your positivity will be reassuring.

As you notify them about the move

Talking over and discussing the planned move is the best way to help your child adjust, whatever lies behind the decision.

When you broach the subject with them, don’t do it in a hurry, explain as well as you can the reasons for the decision; be ready to answer all questions and admit it when you don’t know the answer yet. Promise them to answer the question as soon as you get the relevant information. Be prepared for a negative reaction and don’t let it disconcert you. It’s you who may be aware of all the advantages of the move, but your child(ren) may not realize them – whereas the feeling of their habitual life being destructed can be very strong, especially at the beginning.

As you are planning the details, discuss them with the children and ask their opinions. Make them feel involved in arranging their future life, choosing a school – they may shift into acceptance of the situation when they know their opinion is operative.

If you’re going to move to a nearby place or to another part of town, take them to see the place beforehand, walk around the new district and let them discover something exciting about it.

If, on the contrary, you are contemplating a move across the country or to another country, give the kid a lot of information about the new home, the neighborhood, go to the Internet to find out about the community and places which may be interesting for the child. Try to connect with someone over there and get them take photos of the place you are going to live.

As you get your toddler or a younger kid adjusted

It may turn out easier for you with a toddler or a younger child because they can’t take in the ensuing changes fully.

Nevertheless, you shouldn’t let the matter out of your hands. Help the young ones adapt by –

• offering simple explanations and making sure the child has taken them in;
• presenting the move as a story with toy furniture to demonstrate it;
• taking the kid to the new place a couple of times (if it’s possible) and bringing some of their toys with you;
• while packing the kid’s toys, explain that they aren’t being thrown away, it’s necessary for the move to put them in boxes for a while;
• holding on to the bedroom furniture for the child to find familiar things in the new house; you may even want to place the furniture like it was arranged in the old bedroom;
• not introducing any other major changes in the lifestyle (weaning away from the crib, teaching to use toilet, etc.);
• bringing in a babysitter to take care of the kid on the day of the move.

As you get your pre-teen child adjusted

Children who already attend school can take the move relatively easily, yet it doesn’t mean they can go without your help and attention.

If you can pick the time when you are planning to move, there are two points of view for you to endorse. Either you can do it in summer allowing the child to finish the school year properly, or, on the other hand, take the child to the other school during school year so that he can meet his classmates and teachers and begin adapting to the new situation.

Take care to collect all the information necessary to facilitate the transfer, like the birth certificate, medical records, school report cards, so as to avoid any problems that may occur.

As you get your teenager adjusted

Teens are likely to challenge the idea of a move and even oppose it strongly. They are deeply engrossed in their social life, accustomed to be active participants in certain activities, have romantic attachments, look forward to important pre-scheduled events. The very idea of chucking it all may well be repellent to them.

Your teen wants you to listen to his or her opinions, recognize their situation and treat their opposition with respect. Your reassurances may not be taken with good grace. A more advisable way is to present it to them as the first of many major changes awaiting them, as they will grow older and pass on to a college and to jobs, so they may as well begin to learn adjustment. Anyway show them that you understand the disruptions the move causes and you accept their right to be concerned about the prospect.

Think about a possibility of returning to your old neighborhood for some important events or parties if it can be arranged.

In case your move really disrupts the child’s school year, you might think over an arrangement to let your teen kid stay on for a while with a relative or a friend before joining you in the new home.

So you have moved

Once you have accomplished the move, you may be well advised to get the child’s room ready the first thing. Try and set the children back in the familiar routine as soon as you can, giving them meals and sending them to bed at the same time (which is especially important for younger ones).

Also, a good idea would be to take your child to school personally and spend some time talking to the principal and teachers. Don’t expect your kid to take to the new surroundings as the fish takes to water: it is supposed to take about a month and half for the child to regain the feeling of emotional comfort. It can take longer or shorter with each individual child. Meanwhile, the child will probably want to stay in touch with their former pals via phone, the Internet, and even go back to meet them if it can be arranged easily.

Should you feel uncertain about how your child is taking the transition, don’t hesitate to consult a family therapist or another professional adviser.

While being a turbulent time for all concerned, the move can actually bring the members of the family closer together and provide a chance to share and discuss personal feelings and lifestyles, creating a stronger bond all around.