Mom Burnout: Are You Suffering from it?
Emotional burnout is spoken about more often. This does not mean that our parents used to be more stress-resistant. Moms and dads used to get equally tired, but they never knew they had a lawful right to feel fatigue. Our parents took it for granted that the word “cannot” did not exist and the word “have to” was used instead. Now, when a new generation of parents has grown up, they think not only about the child but also about themselves.
How does burnout occur?
Although young mothers still make the same mistake – they are committed to their child completely, forgetting about themselves. After a few months, they realize that they have no energy left at all. You cannot even bear to see your child – the person you love and appreciate so much. This is the syndrome of emotional burnout: when you fail to take care of replenishing your energy in time.
Hence, the apathy and the desire to lie down and not to see anyone. The activities that used to be funny no longer cause enthusiasm. Do not expect to hide your condition from the child. Children are the first to notice that their mom feels detached, despite physically staying with them. While your energy is at a zero level, you have nothing to share with the child.
This syndrome was first described by American psychiatrist Herbert Freudenberger back in 1974. According to this expert, burnout manifests itself in moral, emotional and physical exhaustion and overwork. People lose interest in their activities and fail to understand or sympathize with those who they have to work with.
It is, however, only now that we began to talk about mom burnout: after all, it is not generally accepted in our society that being a mom is also a “helping” profession. Perhaps even more complicated than all other jobs combined. The reason is that the mother’s labor is “endless”, and its results are not seen immediately. Remember the key phrase: “Happiness in a family depends on the happiness of a woman.” Find something that will bring you satisfaction and will not concern your spouse at all.
Burnout occurs when a person is exposed to considerable and lasting overloads while communicating with other people, the child in particular. It is caused by the burden of responsibility, the need to constantly empathize, introspect, help, seek understanding, give all your soul power, sometimes without getting anything in return.
The process goes through several stages: during the first stage, chronic fatigue and sleep disturbance occur, but then physiological disorders, immunity disorders, and chronic diseases also appear during the third and fourth stages. Burnout stages are manifested in different ways, but they are accompanied by common “symptoms”: your child begins to irritate you, sometimes it even seems that the child “does everything deliberately and just misuses your care.” Very often, a similar wave of negativity also hits the child’s father, and then the family is on the verge of collapse.
Why don’t some moms suffer from burnout?
This syndrome is not familiar to all moms. Many women even cannot imagine such a condition and do not understand what other moms are talking about. How can you develop such an “immunity”?
- The simple truth is that all people are different, and their safety margin is different. Some are more hardy and more balanced, others are vulnerable and melancholic. But everything can be changed, one just has to be aware of the problem.
What tips can be given? Practice “healthy carelessness” that you can learn from less demanding relatives or friends. As soon as you cease thinking about your parental duty every minute or stop reminding yourself 50 times a day that you’re a mother, your attitude will improve.
- Perfectionism is good at work, but not always. If you notice a similar quality, you are at risk.
Regain control of yourself, change something, look for solutions, and do not seek problems. Do not copycat other people: everyone has their own problems in life.
What tips can be given? Revise your personal attitudes. Tell yourself that your house does not have to be the most exemplary one on the planet, and your children are not necessarily the most outstanding kids in your district. Of course, this does not mean that you can abandon the functions of a wife or mother, but it is necessary to indulge yourself from time to time.
- You are a mom of this particular child, and only you can know what is really useful and necessary for him. Do not always strive to look “better than others.”
What tips can be given? Stop competing with other families in terms of “bragging” about children’s success that are greatly exaggerated, as a rule. Not all children speak fluently at the age of three years, not all of them start to learn English at four or get engaged in lawn tennis and wushu at five. Take into consideration your own strengths and capabilities, including financial ones, and firmly remember that your child is the most wonderful kid in the world.
- Emotional burnout is often caused by incorrect organization of work. Take care of better distribution – maybe, the responsibilities in your family are distributed too unevenly, and it’s time for you to optimize your life?
How to deal with burnout?
What tips can be given? Stop being shy to ask other family members for help and share simple work about the house with the children. Use the achievements of civilization more actively – the porridge cooked in a steamer is no less useful to your kid than the one you cook on your own. Revise your family budget: maybe, you will save the money to at least occasionally invite a domestic assistant, or a nanny for the child?
Modern psychologists believe that having a real rest, which helps the body recover properly, does not mean “doing nothing”. Carefree sitting in front of the TV and flipping through glossy magazines do not give the necessary relaxation.
Sport helps to fight with burnout best
What tips can be given? There is a concept of recreation called ‘switching activity’. Mankind has not come up with anything better than physical activity when it is needed to overcome routine. It is vitally important for any mother to devote at least 15-20 minutes a day to sport. Use these precious minutes to take up aerobics, Pilates, yoga or at least the most common exercises. An indispensable condition is to do it only by yourself, not being distracted by the children and their needs.
In reality, moms are very often solely responsible for their children. This is unnatural and violates the emotional state of them both.
What tips can be given? When staying with their children alone, many moms call mom forums on the Internet their only consolation. Of course, the time spent online cannot replace live human communication. Therefore, women need to go beyond the vicious circle of their voluntary intra-family isolation. They can create interest groups with their Internet friends, meet with other moms, and help each other replenish their emotional deficit.
If the above-mentioned tips bring no relief, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist. Even 1-2 sessions will significantly improve the quality of your life. Remember: your husband and the child both need a happy wife and mother, satisfied with herself and her life.
Mom Burnout Prevention
One can avoid emotional burnout, but both mother and father need to prepare for this before the child’s birth. Would-be parents should know that there can be an emotional decline. Just like the burnt-out mother, dad can also have a run-down battery. While she is losing energy, he can support her and even be the child’s “mom”, but at some point, his power may also run out. This is one of the reasons for divorce: the family is not able to survive the emotional crisis. Just because the spouses are not ready to deal with it.
We generally forget about the relationship in a couple. We stop spending evenings together. It happens that there is no one to leave the child with. But it is quite possible – and very important! – to find half an hour to talk or have dinner together (and it’s better not to dine at home).
If parents have once suffered from burnout and managed to survive this experience, the danger zone will be under control. They will be able to detect danger before its level reaches the critical point.
