Reasons Why Kids Run Away Even from the Best Parents

If you are a mom or dad, you must have had a dream at least once in your life that your child was lost. He disappeared into the crowd on the street, rode a scooter in the park, disappeared from sight on the floors of the shopping center, remained in the subway car, not having time to follow you. Or you are looking around for him in the playground, he has just been there, and in a second he is gone. Has anyone kidnapped him?

A missing child is one of the worst parental nightmares. We teach children to walk hand in hand, not to talk to strangers and not to lose sight of you in public places. And it is very important. However, it is also important to know the statistics: approximately 90% of the cases that search teams deal with are related to child-runners.

This means that 9 out of 10 children were not stolen or lost – they left their parents on their own. It is often an impulsive act that can bring to a sad ending. Children seek warmth or relaxing in dangerous places, they meet people with bad intentions, and even accidents occur with them. Fortunately, most children are found alive and well. However, we all know that as soon as a child is alone on the street, he is at high risk.

Very often, the reason for escape is in a relationship. If you imagine a family where there are daily fights accompanied by drinking vodka, this is not entirely true. Children run away from completely different families and for various reasons. In addition, these are not necessarily uncontrolled teenagers. Children run away at 13 and 7 years old.

Here are 10 factors that make children run away even from ordinary, prosperous families.

1. Things

No matter how valuable the things are to you, try not to give them excessive importance. One of the most common reasons for escape is a lost, broken, or torn thing. It may be the jacket you just bought and the child tore it at school, the father’s mobile phone, which slipped out of his son’s hands, or the grandmother’s vase. Children are afraid of punishment and run away.

2. Punishment

According to the child, punishment is the most frightening element in a relationship, and the most ineffective one. Prisons do not make good people out of bad people, bad marks do not make an excellent pupil out of an outsider. Punishments scare, and they do not correct behavior. Therefore, try to talk about the consequences rather than the punishment. It turns out that it’s easier to run away than to be punished.

3. Consequences of punishment are characterized by the presence of logic

Have you torn a new jacket? “We’ll have to sew it up and wear in public”— this is the consequence, directly related to the event. “A month of no cartoons” or “give me the phone” are illogical punishments. In the first case, the child learns to be responsible for his actions, and your relationship does not suffer from it. In the second case, the child understands that the parents manage his/her life as they want, which certainly influences the relationship.

4. Tone, body language, gestures

We perceive a huge part of communication nonverbally. This means no matter what you say, the way you say it is much more important. You can only intimidate with a look, and the child will not even pay attention to your words, but you can say important things in a calm tone, and the child will hear you. The parents’ task is to convey the meaning and not to intimidate. Fear is the commonest cause of running away. Do not intimidate – be a mentor.

5. Support

Sometimes a child’s problem is relationships outside the home. It can be relationships with friends, teachers or a coach. Some children ran away from home because there was bullying at school, and it was scary to go there. They didn’t want to talk to mom and dad. Only one third of children tell parents about bullying at school, and the older they grow, the lower this percent is.

Take the child’s side, support him or her, even if it seems to you that he/she is wrong. To support does not mean to agree. To support is not to condemn, not to blame, but to listen and think about how to make the best of a situation.

6. Be prepared to experiment with appearance

You may like your daughter’s long curls. You may think that red color suits your son. However, it is important to give them the freedom to have their own opinion about their appearance. In fact, the desire to cut the hair or wear the clothes which the child wants, but the parents won’t allow can even be the reason for running away from home.

It is not necessary to admire the idea of having the hair bobbed or dye the hair pink, but it can simply be allowed as a temporary experiment. “Mmm, it is interesting’’, and there is no criticism. The dye will be washed off, the hair will grow back, and the cute chestnut color will return. The relationship will not be spoiled.

7. Friends and being in love

Don’t you like the son’s friends? Sometimes you don’t understand why the child communicates with people who obviously do not respect him or who hurt him. It is important to remember that pressure causes a conflict. You can still influence the opinion of the child at the age of 6, but at the age of 11 he will do the opposite.

It is important to know more about the motivation of the child and about his friend. Why does he like being friends with X? What interesting activities do they do with X? What do his parents do for a living? Show friendly interest rather than suspicion.

8. “I ran away because they had been getting on my nerves”

Do not irritate your children. Sometimes we are so fond of lecturing that there is just no time for positive communication. We begin to sound like white noise – background grumbling for every little thing. It is worth highlighting several priority things and look at the rest through your fingers. Is it important for you that he does not offend his sister? So it doesn’t matter how he dresses. Because if you pay attention to every aspect of a child’s life, he will become an object of constant comments.

9. Family relationships

Children run away because they can endure the quarrels of their parents no more. How to reduce risks? Swear in the bedroom quietly, swear when the child does not hear, or swear in front of him, but respect each other’s opinions and coming to some decision. In such a case, he will see that the conflict can also be constructive. The relations of other family members affect the child. It is often even more painful than the fear of punishment.
There is one more important element. You should listen. Pauses are a powerful instrument. Sometimes pauses allow our children to discover new facets of their lives. Asked questions kindly can help you get closer.