How to Resolve Arguments among Siblings?
Conflicts between children have always existed. The parents’ role in the resolution of such conflicts is important. Parents’ psychological support can help kids to establish friendly relations and to bring conflicts to a minimum, to help children overcome rivalry.
What Causes Arguments among Children?
The first reason is the struggle for getting more time and attention from their parents. For example, when a new child is born, the older children tend to protect their relationship with the parents. Another cause of conflict is boredom and fatigue. Or, perhaps, with the help of an argument, one of the siblings tries to attract the attention of the other and does not know how to do it correctly.
However, the reason may be the parents’behavior, as well. For example, parents begin to compare one child to another, inadvertently saying “why are not you as good as your sister?” These statements can destroy the child’s self-esteem and cause resentment toward a brother or sister. Other causes of conflicts are little time together, a careless attitude towards children for various reasons, children’s inability to solve conflicts through means other than a fight, great rivalry between the children, the desire to win over the brother or sister and demonstrate the difference between the two.
How Can Parents Help Resolve Children’s Arguments?
In psychology, a set of rules are singled out about how to act in case of an argument between children.
Do not select favorites
Children should be treated equally and fairly. You should punish every child equally. If a child complains to you about the unequal treatment because of the differences between the children (for example, different age), explain your position to him with understanding and support. For example, it may be noted that the elder brother has, of course, more responsibilities, but he also has more rights. Each child’s needs should be satisfied.
Help children express their feelings
If you would like to provide psychological assistance in resolving the conflict, encourage the children to express their feelings without a reason. Explain that feeling resentment or anger in a relationship with someone is fine. However, the expression of violence towards one of the brothers or sisters is very bad. Help your children to look for the right words instead of having to start a fight.
The development of communication skills
The third rule for resolving conflicts between the children is as follows. Parents should try to find out whether their child has the necessary skills in building a relationship, for example, with his brother. Children need to understand that they are adults capable to improve their relationship without the parents’ help. Develop communication skills in children, teach them to solve their conflicts, to find solutions and compromises. Children, whose parents did not teach them to resolve conflicts on their own, will fail in building a relationship in future.
Never compare your children
Every child is a different personality with his or her own special qualities.
Do not interfere in the conflict without a necessity
If there is no risk of harming each other, it is better not to get involved in children’s conflict. Let children develop special skills needed to solve problems. If you protect a younger child, the older will be offended. If you intervene in the conflict, listen to both arguments and allow the children to understand that the reason for the confrontation is between themselves. Become a mediator, but try not to do it often.
Establish behavior rules for children at home
Another rule is the need to set special home rules the violation of which should be strictly prohibited: no violence, no lies, no yelling, no conflic. Compromise and consensus – that’s what we should strive for. And the most important rule is: the success of counseling depends on whether the kids are sure that you will love them the same, or they will have doubts.
This is important because children are very sensitive and attentive. Show that you love everyone equally strong. However, if the parents can not resolve conflicts between children themselves, it is best to consult a child psychologist. Child psychology has many techniques that can help overcome these conflicts. A specialist will help to cope with this problem, perform as a neutral but friendly intermediary, as a negotiator between the conflicting parties, and will find a reasonable compromise solution to the conflict.
