What to Do if a Stranger Admonishes Your Kid?
It sometimes happens that your child behaves badly, and the stranger begins to admonish him/her. Let’s see how you can react to such a situation because it is extremely important for the child to see how parents react.
A problem:
This is not uncommon in a sandbox, in a kindergarten, or at school. Unfortunately, in many societies it is widely practiced to treat children disrespectfully, and it does not matter whose children are involved. Such an aggressive adult can baffle not only the child, but sometimes the parents as well, and they do not know how to react. Let’s see how you can behave in such a situation because it is extremely important for the child to see how the parents will react.
Consider a situation when your child took someone else’s toy car in the sandbox without asking for permission, and the other child’s mother came to chastise your kid for it and get the toy back.
Explanation:
In front of an adult, a child is defenseless. But when it’s a close adult, the child is supported by a good relationship with that person. Therefore, comments and instructions from a close person go down well with the kid because the kid feels safe. But when a child is admonished by an adult stranger, it scares the kid because they are not equal with the adult, and there’s no feeling of security.
For the son to feel safe, the mother physically blocks the child from a woman who is perceived as a threat. The kid will thus feel protected. Then the mother aligns the situation by initiating a “horizontal” conversation between two adults. The mother remembers that the children bear witness to the dialogue and will see a model of behavior in a conflict situation. Therefore, she should show respect for the opponent and start with a greeting, then she should introduce herself and ask the name of the other woman. After getting acquainted, the conversation will be more personal.
The mother respects her son, so she sits down to be on the same level with him. The mom realizes that her child was ill-treated, but he is a good boy and he had no malicious intention. Therefore, she uses gestures and facial expressions, trying to show her son that she understands him and demonstrates affection and support. At the same time, the mother clearly understands the limits of her authority.
Though not intentionally, the boy interfered with the privacy of another child and his mother and took the toy that did not belong to him. Therefore, you should apologize. If your children go to the same group in the kindergarten, such misunderstandings can be repeated, so it is necessary to negotiate about how to behave in future. It is important that your child should hear this. The son will feel more secure then. The experience of feeling secure promotes a sense of self-worth and importance. Mom’s protection tells the child that he is important and loved, so it is not allowed to treat the child badly.
The child had no malicious intentions when he took someone else’s car. It can be regarded as an error. Therefore, there is no question of any blame. In addition, the child had to experience an uncomfortable test, when he was scolded by an unknown woman. If you want to give your son some special support, you can present him with an identical car for the next holiday.
We do not analyze the situation, when the child is still going through what has happened. In such a way, he can feel lonely and misunderstood; the kid can get reserved and will respond formally. When all the troubles are left behind and the emotional balance is restored, it is possible to analyze what happened and what caused the conflict. The child will be able to gain useful experience from the situation and will learn not to get into such situations in future. The mother does not tell her son how he should have behaved; instead, she wonders what logic the child was guided by. This would give her information about the flaws in the kid’s behavior. In future, the mother can pay particular attention to such situations for the son to be better guided.
The mother’s guiding questions help the child find the right solution to a problem situation. This approach helps the child feel more competent and rely on himself in a difficult situation, especially when he cannot ask someone how to avoid such situations in future.
