Isn’t it too early for you to become a mother? Answer these questions to create the most comfortable conditions for the future baby and prevent problems with your health.
How do you feel about yourself? How much do you feel like a woman?
The thing is that after childbirth, women often lose their feminine identity and treat themselves as only mothers. According to WHO statistics, every seventh woman faces psychological problems after childbirth. A woman unprepared for motherhood is much more likely to fall into postpartum depression.
Even the prepared ones often find it difficult to rebuild their own lives. At the same time, babies very subtly feel the mood and state of their mother. It is better to ensure that the baby’s idea of the world is not limited to the mother’s suffering.
For what purpose do you want to have a baby? Why do you need one?
Answers may vary:
- the time has come;
- parents want grandchildren;
- you want to keep a man;
- you want the baby to love you;
- you feel strength, energy and love to give them to a little person.
Of all the above, only the last item is adequate. If everything is clear with the first points, the child’s love for you is worth discussing. Of course, your child will love you, because you are the closest and dearest person in his life. But that should not be the goal of motherhood.
In itself, the desire to receive love speaks of a feeling of dislike and grows from childhood. You probably didn’t get enough love from your parents. It’s not about them today, it’s about the fact that you want to repeat their behavior.
It is necessary to separate the past from the present and learn to love yourself. Today you can see a lot of emotionally cold, aloof and narcissistic girls whose global goal is to show off on the Internet. They are unlikely to be capable of the 24/7 return that motherhood requires.
As a result, we see a lot of posts about difficult motherhood, as well as children left unattended in a supermarket or in a car in a parking lot. The worst thing about it is that such publications gain a bunch of likes. On the one hand, being a good mother is not an easy task, but, on the other hand, it is not as difficult as it is sometimes shown: it is enough to just love your child.
How do you imagine motherhood and yourself in it?
What did your mother tell you about childbirth, motherhood, men? How did she behave with you? How did she raise you? How did she treat you? She could participate in your life or, conversely, disappear at work.
Was your mom contented and joyful or exhausted with a faded look? You may have heard something like, “I’ve got no time now.” The attitude towards herself that the girl felt in childhood is most likely to remain, and she will act the same way with her children. Therefore, it is better to try to work out the settings and bring them to the correct value.
Motherhood is a complex social behavior. The girl learns it during childhood and adolescence, absorbing role models from her parents, as well as rehearsing skills in caring for a baby while playing games. Therefore, the girls who grow up in an orphanage often fail to experience happy motherhood.
Are you ready to live without a plan?
Motherhood can be an unbearable burden for women who are used to careful planning and controlling. They expect everything to go according to a predetermined plan. The appearance of children brings chaos and uncertainty into a woman’s life.
You will no longer be sure of the duration of a night’s sleep and the observance of the usual rituals – calmly drinking a cup of coffee, plunging into a beauty routine, or simply going to the toilet.
The first year of a child’s life allows only flexible planning, which will be tailored to the child’s routine. Imagine that your boss at work is 1-5-8 months old, and every month his mood, habits and requirements change.
The first year is the most significant, since, during this time, the child makes a huge leap in development. During this period, it is important for mom to be able to let go of control and reduce nervousness when everything does not go according to plan.
What is your relationship as a couple?
Your relationships don’t feel reliable, do they? Do you quarrel and lose passion for each other? Do you think having a baby will fix that? Not at all. The problem that already exists will not go away. Instead, a new one will be added – the need to care for the child.
Having a first child is a normative crisis in any couple’s relationship. Ideally, you should not only survive it but also help this period bring you closer and take your relationship to a new level.
A huge number of couples did not stand the test of parenthood. Therefore, if you already had unresolved problems before childbirth, your relationship will probably not pass the strength test.
What is your income?
Can you provide yourself and your child with a comfortable standard of living? The devil is in everyday life. The baby will require large expenses from you. Moreover, babies are associated with essentials (hygiene products, medicine, food), and with the creation of convenience in everyday life (acquisition of all kinds of devices that make life easier for a young mother).
Do not forget that during maternity leave, the income of a young mother is sharply reduced. Therefore, if you live in reduced circumstances, handle the financial situation in advance.
Is there a place for a child in your life?
We are not talking about the rhythm of life or schedule, but about the physical place that your baby will occupy, children’s furniture and toys. It often happens that a woman does not even think about it. The further need for urgent repairs or housing arrangements in accordance with the needs of the child confuses her.
Therefore, answer the question of whether you are ready to remake your home. Plan everything in advance: find the place for the crib, playpen, feeding chair and other things.
How important are holidays and travel to you?
If you travel often, most likely you will not want to change your habits in motherhood. Yes, you can travel with a child, although this requires increased psychological and physical stress. Walking around the sights or swimming in the pool the way it was without a child will no longer work.
How anxious are you?
Are you an anxious person? Do you feel confident in your actions? Do you reflect on your day before going to bed, thinking that you could have done it differently? Do you think through the scenarios of communication with unpleasant people or offenders?
If you are puzzled by these questions, you are probably still prone to excessive anxiety. This is one of the signs that the borders were not set. Start by building your own boundaries, coming into harmony with yourself, because, in the future, you will have to teach this to your child. In general, in motherhood, awareness of personal boundaries is vital, because they will protect you from uninvited advisers and other “well-wishers”.
Getting rid of anxiety is also important because it will be passed on to the child one way or another. For a newborn baby, mother is his whole world. If this world is not calm, do not expect calm motherhood. The child will be capricious, cry, demand your attention in order to feel that you are reliable.
Are you afraid to become a mother?
Perhaps the very fact of the birth of a child in the future pleases you, but it is unclear how it will be. How will the delivery go? What to do with the baby? How to take care of him? What to do if the baby cries or gets sick? How will your life develop with the appearance of a baby? All of these questions can easily dissuade you from the idea of becoming a mom for a long time, if not forever. But if you ask them, it’s not bad.
To find answers to them, chat with friends and acquaintances who already have children. They will most likely tell you that the best plan is to have no plan and that most parents are used to improvising. So don’t panic, stay calm. Many answers are inherent in a woman by nature and come intuitively when needed.
Most of the attitudes about motherhood are passed on to us from childhood and from people close to us. However, this is not a rule. Motherhood can be easy if you prepare yourself and your life for it:
• Find and work out negative attitudes.
• Come into harmony with yourself.
• Put your physical and spiritual state in order.
• Grow up.
After all, pregnancy and motherhood are intended for adults.