The three-minute rule is a very simple psychological technique that helps parents establish a trusting relationship with their children. Let’s talk about the essence of it.
Many parents try to give their children all material benefits but forget about love and attention. How does the lack of attention and “payback” with gifts really affect children, and, most importantly, how to fix it?
Indeed, mothers and fathers are increasingly immersed in work to provide for their families, so conversations, and even more so games and walks, have become rare. Returning from their offices, adults either collapse from fatigue, or try to cook dinner, do the cleaning, and quickly check the homework. Intimate conversations are no longer included in this minimum plan, but in vain!
Psychologists claim, that three minutes a day is enough to listen to the child, and find out how his day went, so that the son or daughter feels that they are remembered, loved and that they are really important to their parents. What happens if you don’t follow the three-minute rule? Unfortunately, nothing good!
Firstly, scientists have proven that during the first three minutes of communication, any person, big or small, feels attention to himself. Or does not feel. In the second case, he gradually becomes invisible and eventually grows into a rather insecure person who is unable to build relationships with others because of distrust.
Secondly, uncertainty breeds a certain way of life, mixed with failure and excessive sacrifice. Already in adolescence, schoolchildren are perfectly content with a secondary role and turn into a shoulder to cry on for their friends. Thus, they receive the attention that their parents did not give them.
Another path of an unloved child is the transformation into an infantile adult who does not know how to make decisions on his own. He takes the position of a follower or becomes a capricious, obsessive, selfish big child who does not even allow a word to be added to his monologue. He compensates for the time when no one listened to him or heard him.
If you do not want such a fate for your child, try to follow the rule of the first three minutes. There is nothing complicated in it. It is enough to learn three basic skills – hugs, eye contact and engaged listening. The sooner you start this practice, the better. The age of the child does not matter: the rule works great with 2-3 year-old kids and with teenage rebels.
How to hug children properly
Coming home from work, hug your son or daughter, kiss, and stroke their hair. Tactile contact is essential, especially between 3 and 5 years of age. It sets up positive emotions and establishes trusting relationships. Children who are hugged by their parents grow up much happier.
How to maintain eye contact
After hugging, ask the child about his day, what interesting things happened, what he saw, and what he did. Find out if anything is bothering or disturbing him, and as you listen to the story, make good eye contact.
Do not turn away and do not interrupt on social networks in gadgets. You should look into the face of the speaking child gently and without judgment. He must see and feel that all your attention belongs to him.
How to listen to your child
Many adults have a knack for inserting inconsequential remarks into the story of relatives, friends or colleagues. At the same time, part of the story goes unnoticed. In the rule of the first three minutes, such a skill is superfluous.
Learn to listen to the child actively, delving into everything that he says, remembering the key points. By the way, you can return to them a couple of days later, recalling what you were talking about. Children understand that their parents listen to them, and do not nod out of politeness. The main thing is not to interrupt the child in mid-sentence and not to start arguing in order to prove that he is wrong.
For the first three minutes, just listen carefully: it takes boys and girls just that much time on average to talk about the events of the day. After that you can calmly ask questions, perhaps teach and instruct, if necessary. Just try to do it without screaming and punishment, because any mistake can be corrected. Show the child the right direction so that he can correct what happened due to his fault. Or rejoice for his small victories.
Try never to lie to yourself or your children and always express the emotions that you feel. If you are upset by the child’s behavior, say so. If you are delighted with his success, praise him. Say all the kind words, noting the efforts of the child and his excellent abilities.
Even three-year-olds are sensitive to falsehood and pretense, so do it without a social mask – at home you can be yourself. In this way, you will teach the child sincerity and win his trust.
Three minutes is the average time frame. For someone, a speech can stretch for 10 minutes, and for someone, even a minute is enough. All children are different, so each will need a different amount of time. The main thing is that you find the time to communicate with your son or daughter and listen to the child’s stories.
Even if you are terribly tired and want to leave the conversation, be patient and cut the conversation only after this story. Do not use a formalized approach to the rule: three minutes – and everyone is free. A family does not equal a working relationship, and your child is not at work.
Psychologists have proven that the three-minute rule has a beneficial effect on establishing contact with children. Children with whom parents talk every day are interested in their affairs, grow up self-confident, easily communicate with people, and know how to win them over. The age-related teenage crisis will pass relatively calmly for them.
At least you will know exactly what is going on in the soul of the “little adult”. After all, he will definitely share with you everything that happens. Unless, of course, you forget to put into practice the three-minute rule. It works great for people of all ages.