Grandmother as a Nanny: Important Things to Remember

You may not find a better person to look after your baby than your grandmother! No tedious choosing of candidates, no perusing references, no risk. Yet this option carries its difficulties; before you strike a deal with a member of your family, you would do well to take certain points into account.

1. Complete openness is the key

Now grandparents are not to be mixed with professional nannies – they do not provide services in the line of business, nor can they be hired. Even if you have agreed upon a remuneration, they do it because they love the newborn. Still, there are subtle edges to the arrangement that must be considered.
Of course, you haven’t thought of mistaking your granny for hired help, yet you do have to discuss the matter with them as thoroughly as possible. The first question that should be made clear is what you expect from her: it can be regular full-time help or occasional visits when you are too pressed for time or away on business. All possible misunderstandings or topics that might lead to disagreements should be brought up early.
It’s always a good idea to have regular casual chats about how things are going. Also, give granny a chance to voice her concerns regarding this arrangement. As much as you want her to listen to you, you should also listen to her.
As time goes by, all issues may need to be addressed anew, and the current state of things should be discussed. Your granny should have every chance to speak out on the terms of your arrangement. Both of you have to listen to each other out.

2. Found your arrangement on respect

Moms need to realize that the grandparent and child will need to find their own routine and way of doing things, and should give them a chance to do so without micromanaging the relationship. You also need to respect each other’s time and privacy.
What mothers have to face is that the caring grandparent and their grandchild will be setting up a daily routine of their own, a different way of setting about things, and moms won’t do well to interfere with it. Besides, both of you have a right to some privacy and managing time – which should be respected.

3. Hold your jealousy in check

Your child will naturally form a strong bond with her older relative, and it’s not something to be jealous of. Consider that you really want it to happen, and it doesn’t have to grow into a strain between both of you. Accept that the child builds relationships with other people, and the stronger the relationship with the granny would be, the better she will be looking after the little one.

4. Show how much you appreciate the help

Even if grandparents are more than ready to help out, they deserve all the appreciation you can express and more. They may refuse you paying them for babysitting from time to time, but if they undertake to do it full time, it would be advisable to offer them payment. There can be no denying that looking after a child is a pretty difficult job, time-consuming and responsible. It can’t be left unrewarded. If both sides agreed that there will be no payment involved, some emolument must be provided for – buying them gifts that they would like or paying for a pleasant journey.

5. End it in good time

With the passing of time the arrangement can grow stale or turn into a tug-of-war that might aggravate your relationship with parents or your partner’s parents; then it is better to quit. Of course with your mother or mother-in-law, you can’t just dismiss them, you have to set about it in a sensitive fashion, telling them how much you appreciate her help, but you prefer to have her as granny. Point out that if she feels like babysitting from time to time it is perfectly fine, and your relationship is going as strong as ever.
Wishing to take on granny or a close relative for babysitting, take into account the pros and cons of such an arrangement for your little one and yourself.

Pros

Since your granny can be expected to take it as a good opportunity to bond with the baby, she can turn down your offer of payment thus saving your money; still, you will want to think of some emolument to show your appreciation.
The arrangement will be built on trust since your mother who brought you up can be trusted to be an exemplary caregiver.
Your child is supposed to naturally have a bond with her granny, so if she agrees to look after her, it will make for a stronger family bond.

Cons

The older woman is likely to feel she is better experienced than you are in caregiving, and you may lose control over the raising of your own child. You may find your rules overridden.
You can discover that you and your/your partner’s mother belonging to different generations, your ideas as to many aspects of caregiving may vary substantially. It could lead to family conflicts.
Once conflicts start to sparkle off, they will be hard to deal with: you can fire a nanny, but with a close relative you have no such option.