How to Communicate with Your Husband’s Kids?

Relationships with children can become quite difficult, especially if these are your husband’s children from a previous marriage. You did not raise them, so you do not always understand how to behave with them. Below you will read how to build a relationship with your stepchildren.

If you love your partner and soulmate, it seems that love knows no obstacles, and soon you will become a happy family. But your dreams sometimes do not include the husband’s children, so the relationship becomes strained over time. To prevent this from happening, you must first understand that your beloved man is not only your husband but also their father, so the children are on the same level as you and are also called family.

Building relationships with children should begin in advance, at the beginning of your romance with their father. You have to find an approach to them, contact points and become necessary and important for them, if not loved by them. The main thing is not to make mistakes, the consequences of which may affect the relationship with your husband.

Aggression and irritation

If a child has committed a misdemeanor that caused your anger or irritation, do not unload negative emotions that have gripped you. Remember: children are sensitive and vulnerable, and they compare you and your actions with their mother. You get angry with them in the situations when the children simply happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You are annoyed because of external circumstances, but you are angry with those who cannot fight back. You must understand that your poor emotional restraint can lead to conflicts, which you are guilty of.

Tip:

Learn to restrain your emotions in the presence of the stepchildren, find another way to get rid of the negative feelings. Children should not suffer from such situations. They need a father, his attention and care, and you, if you want to maintain the relationship, must accept their communication and fully support them.

Lies and flattery

Children have a delicate sense of untruth, superficial attitude and ill will. Do not try to win their favor or “distract” them from their father through lies and flattery – you should not say on the phone that “dad is not at home” or “he is busy”, give them gifts to pay off and ask them not to come this weekend. Your desire to spend more time with your loved one is understandable, but the children should not suffer from this and be deprived of fatherly attention.

Tip:

Find a common language with the children, but do it sincerely, from the depth of your heart and not for the sake of creating the appearance of a happy family. You need to become a friend and a person who is welcome. The kids should be happy for their father who has met you. The children should understand that, despite the discord in the parents’ relationship, they are loved and needed by both of them, and you are not trying to prevent them from communicating with their father. If you decide to make a gift, do it easily, without pathos and showing off. Be honest and do not try to please or pamper the child just for your own benefit.

“New Mom”

Your attempts to become better than their own mother and to show this superiority to children will not lead to the result that you initially hoped for. The desire to become a new or second mom for them will have the opposite effect – the children will move away and get reserved with you, which will be the reason for quarrels with your husband.

Tip:

Become a friend to your husband’s children without trying to win the place of their own mother. Be on the same page with them, show that you understand them and will help when needed, educate them together with their parents, but don’t try to be good if they are punished for a reason. Relationships with the husband’s children from the first marriage are not a game involving good and evil policemen, there are situations where you can be the referee and help your husband, his ex-wife and their children to understand what happened without quarrels and conflicts.

Moralizing

It is not your prerogative to lecture the children on proper nutrition, behavior or study. They have parents. Everything you can do is calmly talk to your husband or his ex-wife about the problem and jointly find the ways to solve it. Your moralizing will spoil the relations because you “do not mind your business.” Would you like it, if you were advised something when you do not ask for it?

Tip:

Your task is to help the children and the husband to adapt to a difficult family situation. You must treat each other in a civilized way and jointly solve many issues concerning the children. In this case, you can become an outside observer, who will notice what the parents have missed, but you need to talk about it with them rather than “teach” the children what you think is right.

Indifference and denial

The biggest mistake you can make is denial and rejection of the husband’s children and complete indifference to them. Whether you like it or not, they are his family, even if they do not live under the same roof. Learn to accept the children of your soulmate and do not openly demonstrate that their presence or the kids themselves are completely uninteresting to you.

Tip:

It does not matter whether you have your own children or you have common children with your husband, or you do not have any. You must learn to treat your husband’s children with respect and understanding, sincerely and openly. Remember that your spouse loves you and his children equally. Accept them, imagine yourself in their place – it is much more difficult for children to experience a similar situation than for you. They need you as an ally, not an enemy.

In a relationship between you, your husband and his children, you must show all your feminine wisdom. Help the children accept you just as you accepted them – with all the warmth and goodwill. Doing this, you will help to improve the relations between them and their father because they can feel insulted that he left their mother and themselves. Teach the children to accept the world and the circumstances as they are, let them know that they are remembered, taken care of, that they are needed and loved.