How to Raise Successful Children

All parents want their children to stay out of trouble, perform well in school and create something good and useful when adults. Unfortunately, there are no guidelines for raising a happy and successful child. But psychologists have managed to point out the factors that anticipate success. And they relate to parents and families, which is not surprising, of course.

The parents, who raise happy and capable children, have a lot in common.

They teach their children socialization skills

Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania and Duke University had been observing more than 700 children from all over America for over 20 years to find a connection between the development of social skills in childhood and their success at the age of 25.

Long-term research showed that the children, who were able to cooperate with their peers, could understand their feelings and were willing to help others and solve problems on their own, were more likely to complete training, obtain a degree and get a regular job.

The children, who had difficulties in establishing contacts with others, were much more likely to fall into trouble in adulthood. In general, they had a higher chance of being arrested and could not boast of a high social status.

This study shows that parents should help children develop social skills and emotional intelligence. According to Kristin Schubert, program director of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, which funded the study, this is one of the most important skills that are necessary for a child to be prepared for in future. From an early age, these skills determine whether a child will learn or get into prison, whether he/she will get a job or suffer from drug addiction.

They expect a lot from a child

Using the data from a national survey of 6,600 children born in 2001, Professor Neal Halfon and his colleagues from the University of California at Los Angeles were able to discover that the expectations of parents have a great influence on what their children become in future.

According to the professor, the parents who expected that their son or daughter would attend university seemed to urge the child to pursue this goal irrespective of the family income and other factors.

This is confirmed by the so-called Pygmalion effect, described by American psychologist Rosenthal. Its essence lies in the fact that the person who firmly believes in any fact, unconsciously acts in a way to get a real confirmation of this confidence. In case of children, they are unconsciously trying to meet the expectations of their parents.

Mothers work

Psychologists have found that daughters of working mothers have the experience of independent life already when going to school. In the future, these children earn on average 23% more than their peers who grew up in the families where the mother did not work and devoted all the time to home and family.

The sons of working mothers tend to display care of children and housework more vividly than others. The study found that they spent extra 7.5 hours per week, caring for children and helping around the house.

According to the study’s lead author, professor Kathleen McGinn from Harvard Business School, modelling the situation is a way to send a signal that is relevant in terms of how you behave, what you do, and whom you help.

They have a higher socio-economic status

The higher the income of the parents, the higher the grades of their children – that is the general law. These data may sadden many families, which cannot boast a great income and great opportunities. Psychologists say that such a situation really limits the child’s potential.

Sean Reardon, a researcher at Stanford University, points out that the statistical difference in the success of children from rich and poor families is increasing. If we compare those who were born in 1990 and those who were born in 2001, we can see that the gap has increased from 30% to 40%.

If you do not take into account the complex costly measures, the socio-economic status of the family motivates children to achieve more in their studies.

They received higher education

The study found that the children born to mothers in their teens are less likely to finish high school and go to university.

A study conducted in 2014 under the guidance of psychologist Sandra Tang, found that the mothers who finished school and graduated from a college were more likely to raise a child that would also get higher education.

Responsibility for the child’s aspirations at least partially rests on the shoulders of parents.

Psychologist Eric Dubow found that the level of parents’ education at the time when their child turns 8 years old is decisive for the next 40 years. To a large extent, this fact determines the success of the child in future.

They teach their children math from an early age

Analysis of the behavior of 35,000 pre-school children from the US, Canada and England, conducted in 2007, shows that the early development of mathematical abilities is becoming a huge benefit for a child in the future. The reasons are not very clear, but the fact remains. The children, who understand numbers and simple mathematical notions from an early age, learn to read faster.

They develop relationships with their children

A study conducted in 2014 showed that the children, who were treated with understanding and respect in the first three years of life, not only performed better in their studies, but also were able to establish healthy relationships with others. By the age of 30, most of them were successful and educated people.

The parents, who are sensitive and attentive to their child, give him/her a sense of security needed to develop further and explore the world around them.

They are less stressed

Scientific studies say that the amount of the time mothers spend alone with their children at the age from 3 to 11 years is of little importance to their development. But an active, intense and obsessive motherhood can be devastating.

When the mother is under stress because of her attempts to balance work and family, it produces bad influence on her children. The fact is that there is a psychological phenomenon of “contagious” emotions. People are able to capture the feelings of each other, exactly the way they get infected with a plain cold. Therefore, when one parent is mentally exhausted and sad, this gloomy feeling is passed to the child as well.

They appreciate the effort rather than the fear of failure

For decades, Carol Dwek, a psychologist at Stanford University, had been conducting a study revealing that the children (and adults) can measure success in two ways.

• The first of these is called a fixed mindset. The people who think this way take their abilities, intelligence and talent for granted, as something that cannot be changed. Accordingly, success is measured only by this value and they make every effort not only to achieve this goal, but also to avoid mistakes.
• There is long-term thinking, aimed at accepting the challenge. For such a person, the failure is a “springboard” for further growth and work on their own abilities.
• Therefore, if you say to a child that he/she has passed the test because of “always being good at math” you teach a fixed way of thinking. And if you say that it happened due to making every effort, the kid will understand that abilities can be developed, and every next effort will bring new results.