We can’t get away from losing patience with a child now and then – even when inspired with the best intentions. We make resolutions to stifle frustration and not give way to temper – but whether we will be able to uphold this resolution is a big, big question. In an instant, stops may get pulled out, and a booming scene breaks out, leaving the parent devastated, ashamed, and crumbling down after they have chastised the kid. Now the one thing sorely needed is to get back to the former painless relationship. How can it be achieved?
Get yourself calm
You know what can make you quieter, so go and do it – take a shower, take several deep breaths, and step out for a short walk. Give your tumultuous feelings vent in the way most suitable to your personality (some people need to move about, others would rather talk the situation over or maybe draw a relevant picture).
After you both have recharged, arrange for a quiet conversation with the child
Sitting down for a follow-up conversation, speak gently and in a low voice. Ask the kid to lend you their ear. At the start, avoid fixing the child with your eyes.
Don’t start defending yourself, but inquire about the reaction to how you behaved
A little kid begins with an open-ended question: “Were you scared to hear me yell?” If the kid is older, your approach may be a bit different, for instance, “I lost my patience, and I don’t feel well about it. Are you angry with me? I would understand it if you were. Can you tell me what you felt back then?”
Give your child time enough to come up with a reply. Encourage them to talk as much as possible – it will give them a better chance to process the noisy dispute and leave it behind sooner.
Admit there was a row
Explain to the kid that you are aware of everything that has happened and your feelings about it. Your kid’s reaction can be unpredictable – they could display strong emotions or indifference, or maybe just irritation. Don’t make them shift to your point of view. Just hold on to your feelings and make them understand that, although there has been tension between you, you would like to eliminate it.
Voice your regrets
Considering the age of your child, explain to them why you wanted to discuss what has happened and what made you feel sad. Tell them how sorry you were to shout at them. It well may be the kid deserved it by some senseless action – but it’s natural for little ones to be unreasonable at times, and we have to put up with it without getting down at them.
Be open-hearted about it and tell your child you are sad and sorry. Tell it and show it by hugging and caressing them; assert that you will try to check yourself next time you feel like shouting. Explain how you both will discuss things in the future.
Peaceful strategies for future family arguments
Right in the middle of a heated argument, when you are on the verge of bursting out and shouting, it’s so challenging to hold yourself firmly in hand. The border is crossed so quickly that it’s unfathomable to stop halfway. Yet there are plenty of techniques, and choosing ones that will do the trick with you personally remains.
Whenever you become aware that your blood gets too hot, remind yourself to take a pause. Pulling yourself up short by saying “freeze” can help you break the flow and switch to the next stage, for example, counting up to ten. Having calmed down, you can tone the conversation down and speak and behave more sensibly.
In an appropriate state, you can pose an important question: what can your child want at this very moment? What can they be expecting from you?
As you connect with the kid emotionally and fulfill their current wishes, the time has come to pose this question to yourself. What can you do to make yourself relaxed? Also, what prevents you from conducting an amicable and reasonable conversation?
Divert yourself by starting on a different approach
Do you believe there is too much negativity in communicating with your child(ren)? The negative patterns should be identified and removed in favor of positive ones. Brace yourself to breathe slowly and deeply, listen more than speak, and act empathetically even though you may disapprove of something. Try to convert this approach into a habit; tell yourself you are conducting a psychological experiment.
Find an activity to share
Instead of harboring grudges at a distance, look around for an activity with which you can get busy together. Think of board and video games, sports ground possibilities, maybe just taking a walk together. If you find it difficult to maintain the conversation, it will do to remain silent together. If the kid is reluctant, try to stay within reach and be on the lookout for your chance to engage them in some activity.
Participate in school and extracurricular activities
Parental participation in school and extracurricular activities goes a long way with children. It is a big thing for them to know that their parents are watching when they play essential sports games or act a part in a play. If they have the opportunity to mark their parents’ emotional reaction to their performance, it makes for an even stronger bonding!
Any experience of this kind makes children deeper involved with their parents – they understand that a particular case of rooting means everlasting support (even if their team does not win!). Not only support but also acceptance of their interests and themselves as individuals. Children both learn readiness to participate in future community events and develop self-confidence due to the parents’ encouragement.
Recognize the sort of scenes that cannot be mended in a hurry
While ill results of many interactions can be made up quite soon, those involving violence, separation threats, and viciousness can’t. They don’t allow for casual attempts to patch up and require professional help from mental specialists, long-term ones in the worst cases.
If an adult recognizes that their strives made them very downhearted and affected their parent-child relationship, they may find themselves needing external help. Friends can provide it, trusted advisors, doctors, or you can get the necessary knowledge from psychological books and online courses.