A miscarriage hits both ways, affecting the male partner as well as the female one. Although differently, they both have to face grief which can eventually undermine the relationship. Needless to say, it is the woman who bears the brunt of the pain, but for this very reason the related problems besieging the man are often overlooked. While the woman is getting an emotional support, often professionally provided, the man may feel disregarded, out of the picture, likely as not disappointed in the relationship that seems to him to be crumbling down.
Therefore the man can be in for a very difficult period when unwelcome emotions may get the better of him. Here are some ways for the man to get over the shock and rediscover the bond with his partner.
Men’s attitude towards a miscarriage
There are men who feel that, despite being an undoubtedly tragic occurrence, a miscarriage goes to make the bond between him and his girlfriend/spouse still stronger. The pain and the necessity to live down the emotional stress caused by the miscarriage may serve towards a more intimate relationship of two persons united in the understanding of a loss. Nobody can understand it better than you two.
While it is partially true, a miscarriage endangers any relationship, no matter how strong it was before. First, your expression of grief and that of your partner may be vastly different, like you are prone to sadness and she to anger. Then, the time necessary to live down the tragic occurrence may be different too, leaving one of you wondering why the other is still nervous or, on the other hand, why they have quietened down so soon. These feelings produce rifts that deepen with the passing of time as each of the two is trying to cope with what is going on on their own.
Then, the miscarriage is sure to bring changes in your sexual life. During this period one of the partners might believe that sex will fill the void and help you both feel closer while the other one still needs time to readjust and doesn’t have enough emotion to be ready for sex. Moreover, since sex leads to conception, many people can’t get away from being afraid of another possible miscarriage which might ensue.
Hints on some ways to strengthen your union derailed by a miscarriage
A miscarriage can be a strong shock to your relationship, yet you should bear in mind there are ways to restore your prior feelings in spite of your loss.
The first thing to do is keep your own emotions well in hand; how can men set about it?
Talk it over. You have people whom you can trust with your deepest emotions – if not your partner, then a friend or a family member. You might find it uncomfortable to pour out your feelings about the miscarriage, yet later you can find that your outpourings did something to sort out your emotions, and the strain they may have caused in your relationship.
Rely on time. If your grief hasn’t evaporated as soon as you expected, there’s no need to be worried for yourself or for your partner. Couples can be taken bad even after what seemed to them a return to the normal. While you are on the way to recovery, and some time after it, grief may find a way into your hearts again. It just happens.
Get help. You find your grief too heavy on you? You don’t have to cope with it alone, there are professionals who will help you address your welter of emotions and come to terms with them.
When you are relatively sure of your own emotional state, you can take measures to get over the loss together with your partner.
Discuss the matter together. Sharing your feelings and attitudes is very important for ensuring your bond will stay strong. As you listen to your partner describing their impressions you get a better understanding of their own personal drama and how they live with their grief and depression.
Admit your tragedy. There will be couples who will attempt to glide over the miscarriage in order to weaken the grief; it comes easy if the loss occurred at an early date. Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean your bad feelings will be really lighter on you! It is far better to own up to your frustration to the other and give vent to your true emotions.
Understand the difference. Both of you will be likely to take the loss with different intensity and your reactions will be developing in different time frames. There’s nothing wrong about it as long as you realize it is a normal run of things and you know how exactly your partner is taking it. Then you can be supportive to each other despite your individual attitudes.
Fall back on support. Your friends and co-workers are there for you to sympathize with your grief; there are professionals and consultants ready to give you information, advice and emotional backup. Why neglect these opportunities?
Initiate re-evaluation. A miscarriage is one of the situations that bring about a re-evaluation of many points in your life; be ready for it. Your relations, notions, priorities have undergone changes though you may not feel it yet. You have the strength you need to reassess the main aspects of your life as well as your relationship and keep communicating and supporting your partner in a healthy way.